Personal Musings: Through the Sands of Time…

This could get quite philosophical and –likely- not especially structured nor with many conclusions. I just have words to say and so here they are, written down for all to see… Also, I couldn’t resist the tag… Turns out I can’t stop being silly even when I am soul-searching!

What is it that we are left with in the end? A lifetime of moments drawn into a singularity of time with every second passing too quickly, with far too few and with the majority being wasted. Maybe not on purpose but so much time passes us by. I am almost always busy and put a lot of time and effort into my work, regardless of what it is or whom it is for. I spend a very large proportion of my time working for other people, sometimes small things that take a few minutes; other times things that can take an hour… In one case a project that took several months of pretty hard work. Is this time wasted? Once upon a time I thought no because it helped people, it made their lives easier and it was worth the effort and my time.

Now as I get older and have really needed the support back I have learned a very valuable lesson. It doesn’t matter how far you go, not everyone will support you when you need it. Those who have spent more than 10 minutes with me likely know the sheer level of insecurities and supreme lack of self esteem I have. I have absolutely zero confidence in almost every aspect of my life, I guess I am lucky that I have a few “talents” which I know that I am good at so I can at the very least fake confidence with them. Long story short the last 7 days have been the second worse 7 days of my entire life. The fragile balance of my mental state came crashing down and I know I was in a spiral that I couldn’t control. I did a rare thing and reached out hoping that I could be supported in my time of need…

I learned that not everyone will support you in the same way you have supported them. I am happy to say that most people whom I reached out to have offered wonderful support and really helped keep me going when I really, really just wanted to give up. These people I am Proud of the time I’ve devoted to them and their lives. However, those who refused to help or who were just cold with me I have still learned something of value from. If my time is not good enough then I shall keep it for myself and use it for those people who are worth my time. The few people who have proved to me that we support each other through thick and thin, no matter the circumstances or even the context.

So what is left in the end?  What will be my legacy? Happily my own legacy is shared between several very wonderful people whom I love very greatly. We share our lives and our legacies. I hope one day I will have children to carry on this legacy, to continue a shared existence with a few special people… 

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4 thoughts on “Personal Musings: Through the Sands of Time…

  1. It can be a hard lesson to learn when you need people most and they’re not there. But ultimately you deserve people who are always there for you no matter what. I will be one of them! xx

  2. Life is a lot trickier than you ever think it will be. I learnt quite a while back that you really need to make sure you look after yourself, and then try to look after others. I think we all do a lot of faking of confidence…even the really really confident looking ones. We are just brave enough to still give things a go and strive to be the best we can x

    • Very good words of advice Bec, I’ve always struggled with looking after myself. Might be why I am such a wreck! However, I am trying to be better at that. Spent most of this holiday break not working and actually doing some things I enjoy 🙂
      Hope you’re doing well and have a restful break! x

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